I spent months when I was a teenager training my middle parting to become a side parting. Months! It was a traumatic road to getting the perfect side parting, clips, gel, mouse, you name it. My cows lick had to be tamed into that parting. I was happy with my side parting and over straightened hair and so so happy with my skinny jeans.

But then Tik Tok had to come along and ruin everything! Like all the millennials in a pandemic I started my short lived Tik Tok career and was devastated to learn that skinny jeans are out, if you had a side parting you were old AF, and don’t even think about going to Starbucks to be a “Boss Babe” (she says writing this sat in Starbucks with a PSL!) The long hard road I took to getting my side parting was all for nothing. I guess at least I can breathe easy knowing after having 3 kids I can barely squeeze into my skinny jeans anyway. Silver linings and all that.

Apparently, I’m not just a millennial now, I’m a geriatric millennial. Actually, I’m the very last year you could be considered a geriatric millennial (big up 1985!) so I’m basically a Gen Zer right? In which case, is it a mid 30’s life crisis if I went out and bought a crop top, some Mom jeans, and a bucket hat. I mean if Kim Kardashian can wear these then why can’t I? (Side note, I have yet to bring myself to wear my bucket hat) I like to think I’m not a regular mum I’m a cool mum, so it’s ok if I spend my evenings ignoring my husband and scrolling through Insta and Tik Tok to find the ways I can stay fetch.

I’ve had 3 kids in the space of 5 years, I go to the gym so I can eat all the food once I finally get to sit down in the evenings. I have a mum pooch, but my effort at the gym means I have one ab poking through my sugar spare tyre, and I’ll be damned if a Gen Z kid will tell me I can’t wear a crop top just because i’m a millennial, because I can and I will. Lucky for me, high waisted “Mom jeans’ are on fleek RN, so I can wear that crop top with my mom jeans, and as long as I don’t sit down, or breathe out and take a sweatshirt with me incase my tummy gets cold.

Sometimes I think that maybe these 18 year olds have got it all figured out and we haven’t. Mom jeans are damn comfortable, and actually I wore bucket hats and crop tops when I was a teenager. BUT, I love to complain about my back problems, I overuse the laughy face emoji, I’m at the Starbucks drive through daily and my Nike trainers aren’t pristine white, they’re covered in mud and kids paint. No matter how many crop tops or bucket hats I wear, I’m still a basic bitch at heart, or maybe I’m cheugey now. So to all the Gen Zer’s out there, you can take away my skinny jeans but I’m keeping my side part…maybe.